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Tuesday, March 06, 2007
6:59 PM Contractions Another lazy dog-dangling day in the office... But wait! I started having contractions! Yup, you heard correctly, contractions. You see, a close friend of the family is what the medical community call 'preggo' and the baby was set to come out today. Being the highly empathetic bloke I am (feel free to cross out the 'em' part) I was able to feel the childbirth from over (consults google maps) 10 miles as the nazgul flies ("and you'd better hope we don't have one of THOSE on our tail!"). So yeah, sitting there at work, and essentially giving birth. It did start an interesting conversation about childbirth, with the usual "you boys have no idea" and "I'd like to see what you do when your wives are giving birth!". An interesting concept really. I'd imagine that when Future Wife is pushing out a sprog, the whole affair would move along the lines of a football match. She'd be the player, and I'd be the manager on the sidelines shouting instructions and chewing gum. Naturally she wouldn't have an epidural, after all winners don't use drugs. There she is, huffing and puffing away, and I'll be next to her shouting and passing on hand signals to 'push up' and writing notes. If she gets too tired I'd chuck her a Lucozade Sport which she's no doubt take a sip of and then pour the rest over her head, and if it was a protracted birth and went into extra-time I'd be more than willing to get on the pitch, lift her leg and bend her foot back in order to counter cramp. And at the end of it all, she lifts and kisses the trophy, dances about, has her picture taken and then high-fives the manager. Good times! Anyway, I've no idea how the birth is going, but I've stopped getting contractions. I don't know what the fuss is about, they weren't that bad. There's the slim possibility that I'm not the empathetic person I think I am and the 'contractions' were actually just gas, but I don't think so. I can't wait to have kids! Prediction for tonight's match: Liverpool 1 - 0 Barcelona Bellamy 65' I've put a 2 quid bet on to that effect. If I win, I'll put the money aside and buy FW something nice as and when. Leave a comment ::
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I think you probably just got the Barrys.
Dude!
Barry's? I'm struggling...
Barry Whites! Sh**es!
Oh I SEE!!!!!
Windy?
you guys and your words. It would be fun if I knew what you were on about.
Windy indeed Timbo!
Ok, can you cockey up 'trousers'?
Or kittens? You know, as in kittentard?
Trousers
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