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Monday, October 23, 2006
9:31 PM Annoying Ads #644 Currently annoying me as I wait for Sopranos to start are: Waiter spies a car park up to his fancy restaurant. He's gobsmacked. Is it a Ferrari? Jaguar? Aston Martin? No. It's a f**king Ford Fiesta.  "Is that your car?" he asks. What sort of a response does he want? A 'yes' or 'no, this is my courtesy car while the Golf is being repaired'. Hardly exciting options either way.  "What does it feel like to drive?". No wonder the guy is in awe, he doesn't have a driving licence!!! She could reply "It's not a novelty, I've been driving for twelve years and is nowadays a purely functional thing, especially since I'm only going about in a Fiesta". But no, he gets a different answer:   Well there you have it. The Ford Fiesta: Driving it feels like being kissed by a horny Mexican transsexual Pretty catchy slogan if you ask me! ----- Then we have the worst ad of all; Maltesers. Let me set the record straight; Maltesers taste ace, even though they've change the shape of the ones you get in miniature celebrations. But this advert, uh, it makes me want to strangle a kitten. Two office workers yakking away about how many calories there are in chocolate. One decides to have a taste of Maltesers which aren't naughty because they're half filled with air.  Yum yum. But since they're low in fat, she doesn't feel naughty any more.  She has to express her pent up dried up sandy frustrations by flashing some poor chap.  Clearly caught off guard, he sees this incredibly beautiful symbol of desire and is flummoxed, falls over and drops his papers everywhere. Or not. Isn't it more likely that when confronted by some munter with a chest so saggy it reminds him of the withered balloons from last years office Christmas party, he recoils in horror and drops important documents? Documents which desperately needed to be sent to be sent to Unicef so that they could send over crates to feed the starving children of Africa? I'm mean, look at her; she looks like a bulldog licking piss of nettles:  Still, she does to a good Robert De Niro/ Marlon Brando impression. I never thought it was possible to combine the "you talkin' to me?" bit with the "you come to me on the day of my daughters wedding" bit:  Leave a comment ::
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You know how people are all like "what does *insert endangered/taboo/too cute* meat taste like" and the answer is invariably "chicken"... well I am going to make it my life's work to replace 'chicken' with IT TASTES LIKE KISSING A HORNY MEXICAN TRANSSEXUAL!
haha! But the question to ask is... What is kissing a horny Mexican transsexual like??
I would imagine stubbly, and tasting slightly of magaritas, salsa and spermicide...
Oh. My. God.
I've never had a margarita. I'm just going to throw that out there.
Guys, seriously, I have more where that came from....
Erotic toys?!
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