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Tuesday, July 04, 2006
10:53 PM Forza Italia? Since ancient times, there have been many people who have been given the gift of foresight. Cassandra (not the one from Only Fools) was said to have had her ears licked clean by snakes, allowing her to hear the future. She foresaw that some Tom Conti style Greek lotharios would try and seduce the bored housewives of Troy, but since she said they'd arrive inside a giant horse (as opposed to his brother's boat- "boat is boat, f*** is f***!") the good people of Troy assumed she was barking and paid her no mind. And then BAM! Brad Pitt infiltrates the city, kills The Hulk and gets reunited with his murdered wife and son. Hmmm... that doesn't sound right, I may have got mixed up with a film somewhere. Maybe several films. Whatever the case, Cassandra was right, but nobody believed her. Many others have followed over the years; Jesus predicted something about betrayal and roosters crowing in the morning, but his disciples scoffed. Noah built a Tom Conti boat and told the others there was a terrible flood coming, yet the Michael Fish of the day told them sunny days were ahead. And of course cookie baking chain-smoking Oracle knew that Neo and Trin would get freaky in their underground love-nest. Well, now there's the possibility that another mystic walks among us, by the unlikely name of Merv. A little history: Merv is a gospel singing breakdancing Christian IT engineer who comes from the Democratic Republic of Congo, and we met when we worked for the same company in Surrey. On a daily basis I was subjected to his pleas for me to repent ("You think you know, but you don't know. Only God knows!") as well as his predictions for what was going to happen in dog racing. Strangely, he only managed to score less than 10%, which is pretty poor considering there are only six dogs a race. When it came to football he got it even worse, predicting Arsenal to lose almost every game they played when they remarkably finished unbeaten in 2004. Nobody could get predictions wrong like Merv could get predictions wrong. There was one thing though that he did get right; rank outsiders Greece winning Euro 2004. NOBODY thought they would win, not even Tom Conti. But Merv, oh Merv, he just seemed to know. Fast-forward two years later, and on one June morning I receive an email from the man saying I should put all my money on Italy to win the World Cup. "Italy! You've gotta be joking Merv!" I replied. Surely the perennial bottlers would join France in being knocked out in the early stages, with the cup likely to go to Brazil or Argentina. And we all know what happened there, don't we? France and Italy in the semis against Portugal and Germany, with the South Americans being knocked out in the quarters. Tonight, before the Italy Germany showdown, I was convinced Italy would bottle it once again and Germany would go on to lift the trophy. Merv had other ideas. He sent me two texts urging me to put money on Italy to win the cup. And as the match was about to go to pens, with the efficient Germans ready to trounce the Italians, out of nowhere came two goals to rescue Italy and book their place in the final. Gobsmacked. Did Merv receive some sort of divine information from the tipster in the sky? When I checked my phone later on, I had this voicemail left on my mobile. So time for the million dollar question: Do I believe him, and lump all the money I have on Italy to win the final, or will this prediction go the way of so many losing dog races? Leave a comment ::
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Whoa! Merv sounds nuts!
All true geniuses(?) are a little bit nuts. But none of them can breakdance to Fix Up Look Sharp by Dizzee Rascal like our boy Merv can!
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