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			Friday, June 16, 2006 4:42 PM No Deer For A Month After our exploits in Prague and the meteor-like crater it left in my wallet, I've decided it's time for a change in lifestyle. No, I'm not going to start dressing in womens clothes (however that doesn't include certain cosmetic products), nor am I going to turn flambuoyant. No, it's time to -and it pains me to say it- cut out the booze. I know I get this feeling every single Sunday morning, but it's been six days now since I drank (well, five and a half as Saturday night went well into Sunday morning) and I still feel the boozers remorse. It seems like a daunting task, but just thinking about a bottle of Budweiser makes me feel physically sick. Poor example really, as Budweiser has that reaction for everyone. Ok, let's say Corona and lime. Hmmm... not much of a sickening reaction there... maybe I am able to... NO! Must be strong! So yeah, no alcohol. I'm not going to be one of those tee-totallers who spouts annoying phrases like "Actually, I don't need alcohol to have a good time" or whinge about people who are drunk. Hell, it'd be pretty hypocritical. Instead I'll be making it my mission to avoid doing the stupid things that have plagued me these previous months (and years). Preventing Alcohol (C₂H₅OH) From Entering The Human Body Aim: The aim of this experiment is to prevent alcohol from entering the human body. It is renowned for being extremely simple in theory, however like cold-fusion experiments, has been notoriously difficult to replicate successfully. Apparatus: Water (2000ml/day) Britvic orange squash (0.5mol/dm³) Tea bags Citroen Saxo Coca Cola ("Is Pepsi ok?") Methadone Bunsen burner Safety goggles Method: Stop drinking. No more Stellas, Coronas, gin and tonics, Cafferys, Youngs, Reef races, cocktails (goodbye mojitos, I'll miss you), sambucas, Staros and Domestos. Wine will be allowed ONLY when having a nice meal or when watching Lost. A regime of drinking copius amounts of tea/coffee and orange squash will be in place. Forseen Advantages: Saving money because of expensive British booze Saving money on buses/trains/cabs (for myself and peers) as I'll be driving everywhere Saving money on the quiz machine when drunk Saving money but especially embarassment when sending drunken texts I won't have to get a round in due to sympathy and unfair costs Sundays will exist Memory will improve Probably healthier, innit? And most importantly..... Will drastically cut down on doing the stupid things Forseen Problems: Girls will appear much less attractive.. ...and I'll probably find it harder to talk to them! Much less likely to chat to random weirdos outside the pub Grease megamix/Summer of 69/Loveshack/ Sweet Child of Mine on the pub dancefloor will be even MORE unbearable to listen to... ...and dance to I'm not gonna know what to say to anyone when it's dark Barbeques without cold bottles of lager is just wrong. Then again, going to barbeques and only eating gazpacho soup because you're a veggie is just as bad so it won't make much more difference I'm sure there are plenty more cases for/against both Results: Well, we'll wait and see I guess. WIsh me luck. Leave a comment ::		If Ronnie Wood can do it, anyone can. Um... posted by Tim
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