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Wednesday, January 11, 2006
9:48 PM Eat Like A King Jamie Oliver was set the task of creating a school meal for only 37p per head. I guess he managed to do it, I don't know, I didn't really watch the programme. However, after conducting my own research, I found it's actually possible to do it for less. According to some pamphlet I found on the bus, the human body needs seven things: Carbohydrates, protein, fats, vitamins, minerals, fibre and water. That's it. Just those measley seven things. And it must be true because it was on a PAMPHLET. I don't know about you, but I'll trust an A4 piece of paper as long as it's printed in landscape (let's face it, A4 in portrait form is usually a letter from loans.co.uk and immediately ends up in the bin). So using these seven prerequisites, we can get cooking! Here's what you need: Bread - contains carbohydrates, fibre You can buy Tesco value bread for only 19p per LOAF. If sliced thick you get 19 slices, and you don't need to be Dr Emmett Brown from Back to the Future to know that roughly equates to only a penny per slice. Cheese - contains protein, fat You can get Kraft Cheese Slices for about 16p per slice, but go own-brand and you could probably get that down to 13p. Seven Seas Pure Cod Liver Oil One-A-Day Plus Multivitamins It may be a bit of a mouthful, but it does exactly what it says on the container. Vitamins and minerals are all blended together to meet your recommended daily allowance. Not only that, but they've chucked on loads of Omegas, whatever they are. In fact I'm not sure what a lot of it is, but it sounds scientific which must be good. Anyway, you can buy a jar of 90 capsules for £8.79 from your local retailer. But wait, have a look on eBay. They have a jar on sale for only £3.75! This means each capsule is only 4p! Water - contains water Bit of a no-brainer this one. A glass of water costs approximately 0.02p, and if you're feeling especially thrifty then you can even steal water from your neighbour's house using their outdoor tap. The best thing is, if you get caught you just have to tell the truth and they'll assume you're some sort of yammering mental patient, as opposed to the eagle-eyed bargain hunter you are. Now all you have to do is put the lot together- two slices of bread, one cheese slice, one vitamin capsule and a glass of water. You can literally do this in a matter of seconds, however times may vary depending on your ability to remove the plastic from the cheese.  This all, to the gastronomical connoisseur, may sound rather bland. Let's face it, you're not eating snail porridge at teh Fat Duck here- this is good honest food at low low prices. But here's a little tip to spice things up: "The first taste is with the eye". Just download a picture of a tasty meal from the internet, print it out and hang it in front of your eyes. The human brain at this stage of evolution is incapable of distinguishing between two things at any one time, meaning your mind will be fooled into thinking you're actually enjoying a lovely piece of grilled fish. There are thousands of pictures you can legally download and distribute for free from stock photo sites such as this one:  Total cost: 19p Bon apetit Leave a comment ::
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oh man, that comes out when you never enjoyed the taste of good food!
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