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Thursday, April 24, 2008
7:07 PM Beans Means Moola Whichever way you cut it, baked beans are pretty awesome. Whack them on toast, on potato waffles, on erm... pasta.. well maybe not, but as far as a tin of beans goes you can't do much wrong. Another use for the humble tin is as James Bond-esque security device.  Yep, for a nominal charge you too can keep your priceless plastic jewellery, Swatch and gas money away from the hands of burglars. Of course, as always, the theory of evolution predicts that a new strain of burglars will arise; wily and cunning criminals who have developed the intelligence to raid cupboards in search of cash laden cans. So what's a person to do? How do you keep your accumulated wealth away from thieves? Forget the fake-can-of-beans-with-cash-inside. No, the real way to do it is... Baked beans! Yep, real beans. Think about it; come payday, you take your hard-earned euros and buy as many cans of beans as possible wholesale. Stick them in your kitchen, cupboard after cupboard of stacked beans, and your wealth is safe. The sheer sight of so many beans would leave Johnny Burglar in a state of shock. No swag bag is big enough to hold so many tins, and if a fake-can was buried somewhere in there he wouldn't know where to start. A slight disadvantage does come when your cash entirely tied up in assets of beans, not ideal if you want to go out and buy a newspaper or something. But a saving grace is that beans are an extremely popular foodstuff, and if you grabbed a few cans and went to the nearest streetcorner I'm sure you'd find buyers. Maybe pawn shops would buy too? I dunno. Food prices are rising too, so it's entrirely possible your portfolio will be worth far more than any credit-crunch susceptible stock. Worst comes to worse you can always just eat them! Ladies and gents, give it up for the bean. Leave a comment ::
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Of course, after the worse has indeed come to the worse, there will be yet more worse. Possibly the worst kind of worse there is.
I'd use a spaghetti hoops can, just to confuse everyone.
You have to be awkward, don't you Tim?!
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Sunday, April 06, 2008
6:29 PM Capital Knockers Madam! The quest to make my millions continues. The latest idea comes in the form of something that should really have been invented a long time ago. I am referring, of course, to Capital Numbers. Yep, does exactly what it says on the tin. Just like how the alphabet has upper and lower case letters, capital numbers will do the same for numbers. Need to start a sentence with a number? Put a capital number as the first digit. Naming a child '27'? Better capitalise that 2 mum and dad! Yes, there are plenty of uses. The plan is to start the company as a plucky little internet startup, and then hope it gets bought out by Google/Yahoo/Microsoft. The figure I'm holding out for (based on estimated sales and advertising revenue) is 6 squillion euros. There will be a lot of work required in converting to this standard. Capitalising numbers would invariably need the shift key on the keyboard to work, meaning we'll have to dispose of ! " £ $ % ^ & * ( and ). But we weren't really fond of them anyway, were we? ----- Sometimes a lazy and hungover Sunday can only have one cure- listening to one of Those Songs. The choice du jour is The Replacements - Alex Chilton. I don't know what it is about it that makes it one of Those Songs, but I could listen to it on loop forever. Am I the only person that agrees? Your opinion would be appreciated. Is it just me, or does the low quality video and dubbing make this even better? ----- Latest song to be stuck in my head: Aztec Camera - Somewhere In My Heart Leave a comment ::
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Is that a capatilised 6 squillion?
It's not even the best Aztec song! I thought Oblivious was better.
I'm on board for this Capital Numbers thing. Quite frankly, I can't believe it hasn't been done before. $ and ^ we definitely don't need - What the Hells is ^ for anyway?
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